


blueberry pancakes

by 13zepptraxx



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Christopher Diaz Has Two Dads, Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure, Eddie Diaz Can't Cook (9-1-1 TV), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Love Confessions, M/M, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Not Canon Compliant, References to PTSD, Worried Evan "Buck" Buckley, blocking out s04e08
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29935353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/13zepptraxx/pseuds/13zepptraxx
Summary: Buck spends two minutes watching the text bubble disappear and appear and disappear again before he finally just jumps out of bed and pulls some clothes and shoes on. He grabs his things and makes his way out of the loft as quickly and quietly as possible.He doesn’t bother telling Eddie he’s on the way, because Eddie knows by now that he can’t just send things like and expect Buck to not drop everything for him. It takes Buck seventeen minutes to get to Eddie’s, and his car is barely in park before he turns it off and hops out, rushing up to the front door.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 401





	blueberry pancakes

Buck yawns as his eyes flutter open, adjusting to the sunlight shining through the windows. He smiles softly as he rolls over to face Eddie. He’s smiling until he remembers that he has absolutely zero reason to be in Eddie’s bed right now.

Buck’s breath catches in his throat and he moves as slowly as physically possible to get out of the bed. He has no idea how he ended up here. _At least he has pants on._ It’s not like they were drunk, Buck just a really fucking bad memory sometimes and it gets worse when he stays up past his bedtime.

Buck picks his shirt up from the floor and shrugs it on before escaping the bedroom, letting out a long sigh as he shuts the door behind him. He shuffles into the kitchen where he left his wallet and keys the day before, and he turns around to leave when he hears Christopher’s bedroom door open.

He knows it’s Christopher’s door because he knows the difference between Eddie’s and Christopher’s doors opening. Buck has memorized everything about the little life he’s grown so used to sharing with the Diaz boys. He knows which floorboards creak in the living room, and that the back left burner is never used because Eddie has this weird thing about it so they just don’t. Buck knows that Christopher likes the red cup with the blue straw and the yellow cup with the pink straw. Buck also knows that Eddie sometimes gives Chris a green cup with a yellow straw on accident and that is a no-go. When this happened, Chris looked Eddie in the eyes and told him Buck was his favorite. It nearly killed Buck.

Soon enough, Christopher emerges in the kitchen with a smile on his face because Buck was still there. “Hey buddy, sleep okay?” Buck asks, and Christopher nods. Buck smiles, and sets his things back down. Any apprehension he had about an awkward encounter with Eddie was void when Christopher looks up and asks if he and Buck can make pancakes.

Buck immediately obliges, because he loves this kid with everything he’s got and he would do anything for him. Eddie would note that they’re ‘just pancakes’ but it’s so much more than pancakes. It’s trusting Buck to be just as much a parent to Chris as Eddie is, and it’s Chris trusting Buck as a parent just as much as he trusts Eddie.

“Let’s see-” Buck pauses, humming as he observes the contents of the fridge to see what kind of pancakes they can make with the options that they have. “We had banana last week, didn’t we?”

“Yep.” Chris replies. “And we had chocolate chip the other day.”

Buck nods. “How about blueberry?” He reaches into the fridge, pulling a container of blueberries out as he scrunches his nose. He distinctly remembers Eddie going off on a tangent or two about how much he hates blueberries, so he really cannot figure out how these ended up in the fridge. “I don’t think we’ve had blueberry. I didn’t even know your dad liked blueberries.”

“He doesn’t, but you do so he got some for you when you stay overnight so you have something you like at breakfast.” Chris states as he grabs the container from Buck’s hands and turns back to the bowl of pancake mix he’d already started, nonchalantly as if he didn’t just send Buck skyrocketing.

It really isn’t anything.

Except- Eddie _hates_ blueberries. Hates the flavor, hates the texture, hates everything about them. He’s expressed it multiple times to Buck, and Buck remembers it all vividly.

It is _fruit,_ but it’s absolutely ruining Buck.

Buck figures he probably shouldn’t let Chris mess with the griddle on his own though, so he snaps out of it and goes to help make the pancakes.

Eddie stumbles out of his room and into the kitchen with a bit of urgency as he’d really thought Buck had left, but he lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Buck smile softly over to him, then focus his attention back to the stove.

“Morning.” Buck says gently, glancing over at Eddie once more. Eddie smiles, nods softly, and shuffles around Buck and Christopher to where a space-themed mug already sits in front of the coffee maker Eddie’s still apprehensive of. The space mug comes from the gift shop of the Griffith Observatory when Buck and Eddie took Christopher on a Saturday they both had off. The design is a little alien sitting on Saturn’s rings, and Buck insisted on getting it to go with Eddie’s new coffee maker.

And yeah, Buck had to come over and teach Eddie how to use the coffee maker and Eddie acted mad the entire time, but it does bring a smile to Eddie’s face every time he uses it (even if he’s a little scared of it).

“What are y’all making?” Eddie furrows his brows as he walks up behind Buck and Christopher.

Eddie’s hand rests on Buck’s lower back and Buck can feel the goosebumps raising on his arms. He swallows the lump in his throat and looks back to Eddie. “Blueberry pancakes. I put some batter aside so we can make you some plain ones, though. And, sorry for messing up your kitchen.”

Eddie smiles and shuffles back to the coffee machine as it beeps. “It’s more your kitchen than mine.”

 _It’s more your kitchen than mine. It’s more your kitchen than mine_ and other reasons Buck wants to place his entire hand on the hot griddle immediately. He knows Eddie meant it in a way that was taking a dig at his own cooking abilities (or lack thereof), but today was already far too much and it’s only ten o’clock.

After breakfast and after Christopher’s ego is inflated because his pancakes look prettier than Buck’s, Buck makes an attempt at excusing himself so he can go home and scream into his pillows or something. Eddie stops him.

“They had like, three different kinds of blueberries at the store. I picked the ones that looked most similar to the ones in your fridge.” Eddie states.

Buck laughs. “Thanks. Chris said you got them so I’d have something I like at breakfast when I stay here.”

Eddie nods. “I figured since you cook most of our meals, it was the least I could do.”

There’s a lull in the conversation, before Buck works up the nerve to say what’s been on the tip of his tongue all morning. “So, uhm- about last night.” He chuckles awkwardly as he rubs the back of his neck.

“Yeah,” Eddie clears his throat. “We don’t have to make it a thing.”

This is the exact opposite of what Buck ever would’ve wanted to come out of Eddie’s mouth, but he takes it in stride and nods in agreement. He’ll cry about it later.

Except-

Eddie is-

Well, Eddie is everything.

Eddie has been everything to Buck for a long time now and Buck had grown comfortable with the reality that it was never going to be anything more than him just loving Eddie silently and being content with the life he had with the Diaz boys. But waking up in Eddie’s bed has turned Buck upside down and he has no idea how to navigate it. It should be normal, well and fine, but Buck has imagined this scenario so many times and it has never gone like this.

It starts with Eddie waking Buck up with a kiss on his head as he wraps his arms around the man. Buck presses his body back against Eddie’s, and he can feel Eddie smile against his shoulder. They exchange good mornings, then they kiss, and in some less controlled scenarios in Buck’s head when he lets his mind wander too far, a hot shower is later needed.

But this- _don’t have to make it a thing_ \- this is not something Buck has ever imagined. He always knew that this is the reality he’ll continue to be stuck in, but it does sting. He knows Eddie doesn’t feel the same way, but it still doesn’t feel nice when he’s reminded of it.

“It’s no big deal.” Eddie shrugs as he crosses his arms, drawing Buck’s focus back onto him. “My bed’s more comfortable than the couch anyway, so as long as you don’t hog the blankets...”

Buck will think about this one sentence for the next four days straight. He’s at a complete loss, and he does not know where to go from here. It’s platonic, obviously, Eddie doesn’t mean it like that, but Buck’s brain is just buzzing and he can’t even begin to process it.

This inability to process this is why Buck is awake at one o’clock in the morning, staring at his ceiling like a lovesick teenager. That, and Albert snoring on the couch is killing Buck. He’s begun to finally process what Eddie said when he gets a series text from the man and they knock Buck right back into a state of shock and confusion.

 **_Eddie:_ ** _  
_ _Are you up?_ _  
_ _I don’t want to be alone right now  
_ _Forget I said that, sorry_ _  
_ _I know you’re probably asleep lol_

Buck’s brows furrow at the texts. He has a lot of questions but he figures it’s best to keep it as simple as possible.

 **_Buck:_ ** _  
_ _are you okay?_

Buck spends two minutes watching the text bubble disappear and appear and disappear again before he finally just jumps out of bed and pulls some clothes and shoes on. He grabs his things and makes his way out of the loft as quickly and quietly as possible.

He doesn’t bother telling Eddie he’s on the way, because Eddie knows by now that he can’t just send things like and expect Buck to _not_ drop everything for him. It takes Buck seventeen minutes to get to Eddie’s, and his car is barely in park before he turns it off and hops out, rushing up to the front door. He uses his key to let himself in, and his eyes catch Eddie’s as he shuts the door behind him.

Eddie is curled up at the end of the couch with a drink in his hand. Buck doesn’t even know what it is because he genuinely didn’t realize Eddie had any kind of alcohol in the house besides beer. Buck slides his shoes off and makes his way around the couch, sitting down next to Eddie.

Eddie’s eyes are tired, and not just in a physical sense. “What’s goin’ on?” Buck asks quietly, and Eddie looks off to the side. “You got me up in arms in the middle of the night, Eds. What’s wrong?” He’s joking, but Eddie’s brows furrow slightly when he looks back over to Buck.

Eddie stays silent, still. Buck knows not to pry, so instead he takes the drink from Eddie’s hand and wraps an arm around the man. Eddie lets his head fall to Buck’s shoulder, and he lets himself exhale when he feels Buck’s hand running up and down his back.

“I had a nightmare.” Eddie says after a while. “It’s fine, I shouldn’t have texted you this late. I’m sorry.”

Buck ignores the apology. “Do you wanna talk about it?” Eddie stays silent. “I was awake, anyway, so if anything you gave me something to do.”

A smile cracks upon Eddie’s face at this. He doesn’t feel better, but the guilt weighing on him for Buck getting out in the middle of the night for him does feel a little lighter now. “Thank you.”

Buck rests his head atop Eddie’s. “Always.” Buck whispers into Eddie’s hair, and a chill runs down Eddie’s spine. “Is Chris here tonight? Out tearing up the town?”

Eddie laughs. “He’s at a sleepover with Harry and Denny.”

It’s silent for a while after that. The sound of Buck’s heart beating steadily under Eddie’s ear calms him down more than anything else probably could. And if he’s being completely honest, that sound is one of his favorites. It’s a close second from the sound of laughter floating through the house most days when Buck and Christopher take over the kitchen.

“Do you have them a lot?” Buck finally asks.

“I used to.” Eddie swallows. “Not so much anymore. Just took me by surprise, I guess.”

“Was it Afghanistan?” Buck takes one of Eddie’s hands into his own free one. Eddie’s silence at Buck’s question indicates that the answer is probably yes. “You don’t have to talk about it but you can’t drink it away, you know that, right?”

“I’m not-” Eddie sighs, and Buck is half expecting him to pull away and get up from the couch altogether, but Eddie shifts even closer to Buck. “I’m just tired.”

“I know.” Buck says softly.

“It was like a play-by-play of when the chopper went down.” Eddie states. “And I can deal with it on my own terms, but not having a choice but to relive it is… it’s not fun.”

Buck goes to reply, but he stops when Eddie lifts his head up to meet Buck’s gaze. “What were _you_ doing up?”

Buck tilts his head at this. Eddie’s the one having nightmares and drinking in the dark in the middle of the night, but he’s checking up on Buck. It’s not surprising, Buck just wishes Eddie would actually take care of himself for once. “You’re worried about _me_?”

“I’m always worried about you.” Eddie replies, almost in the same breath as Buck’s comment. He doesn’t even take a moment to think about what he says, and this catches Buck by surprise.

“I-” Buck is at a loss for words.

And again-

Eddie is everything.

Usually, Buck is good at keeping his distance- good at keeping his affection at a minimum. But at this moment in time, when he’s looking at Eddie, they’re the only two people in the world. Eddie’s face is illuminated by the soft glow of the moon shining through the window, and the world is quiet except for the beat of their hearts together.

Buck releases Eddie’s hand and places his own hand on the side of Eddie’s neck, running his thumb along Eddie’s jawline. Eddie tenses for a moment, and fire signals immediately go up in Buck’s mind. _Bad idea._ But then Eddie relaxes into Buck’s touch, his eyes flutter shut as he presses into Buck’s hand, and Buck melts.

Eddie raises his hand and rests it on top of Buck’s. Eddie swallows the lump building in his throat, and opens his eyes again. “I love you.” He says softly, but with a fragility that Buck is far too familiar with.

This is another thing Buck has imagined twenty different scenarios for. But this version- he couldn’t have imagined this. This is far better than anything he’d imagined. It takes him a minute, but he finds his voice again and-

“I love you too.” A smile spreads across Buck’s face as he says it like it’s the easiest thing he’s ever said to anyone. He keeps one hand on Eddie’s neck, and brings his other one up to run it through Eddie’s hair.

“Thank you for being here.” Eddie nods lightly. “Not just tonight. You’re always here when I need you, and I-” He stops as the moonlight shines across Buck’s face and catches his eyes. He is _so_ beautiful. “Fuck.” Eddie breathes. “I lost my train of thought.”

Buck laughs. “It’s okay.”

Eddie removes his hand from Buck’s and wraps it around the back of Buck’s neck, before pulling him in and pressing their lips together softly. They move in sync like this is more familiar than anything they’ve ever known and both men are breathless when they pull away.

“You’re gonna stay, right?” Eddie asks as he catches his breath.

“Of course.” Buck replies.

Buck will always stay. He’ll stay through all the nightmares and the bad days and Eddie being too stubborn to talk about any of it. Buck will always stay. He doesn’t know much about certainty in his life, but he knows this. He knows he’ll always have Eddie, and Eddie will always have him.

It’s a truth that comes like the warmth of Christmas; a truth that’s so good and so right that Buck can’t imagine it ever not being true: Buck is in love with every single aspect of Eddie’s being. And everything about Buck is in love with Eddie, too. Buck loves Eddie more fiercely than he’s ever done anything. Every bit of him wants every bit of Eddie and this newfound _thing_ that they have is the warmest, safest thing Buck has ever or will ever know.

The next morning, Buck wakes up in Eddie’s bed once more, only this time, his arms are wrapped around Eddie and their legs are tangled together under the sheets. Buck smiles to himself, and makes a mental note to remind Eddie that he has to help him find new pancake recipes because he and Chris are running out of options.

**Author's Note:**

> i started this a couple days ago but finished it after 4x08 absolutely destroyed any hope i ever had. so. i'm making my own canon. enjoy


End file.
